Betrayal

Penghianatan?
Have you ever deal with this kind of thing?
I had.. and the saddest thing is it never comes out from your enemies, but from people you love, people you trust.
And the first thing you feel after you knew their betrayal?
I was afraid. Takut membayangkan itu benar. Takut tidak akan ada hal lain yang mungkin bisa menyangkalnya. Takut untuk percaya bahwa iya itu perbuatan dia, mereka. Orang yang harusnya bisa aku percaya.

Dulu. Dulu sekali. Aku pernah merasakan yang namanya penghianatan, and it was making me in sick for such a long time.
Hal pertama yang aku rasakan takut, kemudian marah dan hopeless to find a reason to denial that they did it to you..and finally I accepted it. I should..because I'm a human being, and a betrayal just a litlle one thing that I must through with an open heart.

Aku bukan hanya pernah menjadi korban dalam sebuah penghianatan.
I did it, I admit it and I feel sorry for people who I betrayed.
I learned a betrayal is one of the cruelest things to do. We do that just for our happiness. We stab back people who trust us until they hate us. Isn't it pathetic? We are smarter that that and we can play a better game than that.

Aku pernah berada pada saat aku menjadi korban. Menjadi pelaku. Dan keduanya membawa rasa sakit dan penyesalan yang besar.. which makes me have a trust issue.
Itu dulu. Now I have changed. I try to be a better person, for me and for people I love.

For everyone yang pernah aku hianati, I do really sorry.
I didn't mean to hurt you. It's just life, you know?
Bad things and good things happened, it's not about karma or things like that.
I experience things like you do, it's fair kok.
It's life, and we have to keep moving on.

Hello Again

Hello there...!
It's been a while since my last post, right?
It was around October last year, when I was still a college student and doing my undergraduate thesis. I remember I was so busy back then...and I forgot I have a blog.
Finally I graduated on November 1st, 2014!
I'm so proud of me, myself and I.
I was wearing kebaya (it's a traditional clothes), the color is maroon. You can check on my instagram if you want. My family, my boyfriend and my friends were coming. I was so happy that day.
Thanks God, finally I make it!

I have some thoughts that I should have updated my blog while I'm not busy, telling you that I have graduated, I already have a job, and now I'm making my own way, I'm dealing with my life.
But it turns out like this, I'm too busy (lazy) to type things that happened in my life.
I don't know, it just happened so fast. 
It's July already...!

I have a lot...like literally a lot, lot and lot story that I want to share with you, but I can't just type it all in one night. Here's the point, life is hard!
After I graduated, I learned a lot, especially about life. 
The thing is we are not living alone in this planet, we live next to each other, live with other people, and we have to deal it. We have to manage our ego, anger, patient and many other things.
Sometimes I think, where this decision gonna take me? Is it a good thing or bad thing? what will happen after this? 
So many questions popped out of my mind at the same time, and at the end of the day, I always try to review my life, back then and now, my hopes for my future. 
I always set my mind, my goals, my dreams, my plans.
They are my hopes, and those hopes making me feel stronger to face this life.

Ngomong-ngomong, aku bicaranya ngalor-ngidul ya, dimaklumin saja sih ya.
Hari ini memang cuma mau ketik ketik cantik, dan memang tidak ada topik khusus yang mau dibahas.

Well, good night and see you at my next post!